Cloth Diapering 104: What do you need?

Welcome!

You have decided to join moms around the world! We accept you into our cult following club... just welcome to the journey!

If you have stumbled upon this post, but aren't sure what I'm talking about you might want to head here.
I'm sure by now you have looked at the different types and looked at the finer details to decide which is best for you.
And now you're ready to begin.

There are a few things you will need besides just diapers (another reason why this endeavor can be a little overwhelming to start).

Must Haves!
24-48 diapers - depending on how many babes you are diapering and how often you plan to wash.  I wash every other day with 2 babies and I have... (......calculating.....) 32.  I would rather wash every 2 days, but I'm really hoping Bug will potty train soon and I can sell the handful of girly prints I have and still have plenty for Peanut.
Dirty Diaper Storage - also known as a hanging wet bag, wet pail, dry pail.

• I use a dry pail with a pail liner. You can get something fancy and specifically for diapers, or you can be frugal like me a get a kitchen trash can with lid or a wicker laundry basket.  The wicker doesn't look as bad as the garbage can, and it allows for air circulation, which lessens the "stink". 
•  A hanging wet bag is just that.  A waterproof bag that hangs either from a hook or on a door knob. There are different brands and different styles.  Some zip closed, other have elastic at the top.  I just read a review from a lady who said hers has a zipper on the bottom so when it's time to wash she just unzips to drop all the diapers into the wash.   This option is good for tight spaces with limited room.  I am thinking about switching to a wet bag to hang in the bathroom so I can keep the pail in the nursery for changes in there, but don't have to travel with a sprayed poopy diaper *yuck*.  Speaking of traveling, you can take a wet bag with you, where as I don't reccomend loading a pail up into your van for that mountain vacation. Some bags even have a front zipper compartment to store clean diapers!  *Hint: You may want to get 2 or more, so you always have a clean one handy  when the other is in the wash*
• A wet pail is an option I don't see many people using. It's a bucket you fill with cold water, and an additive if you wish, such as oxyclean or vinegar.  When the bucket is full, you just dump it, water and diapers, into the washer, spin cycle to rid of the water, and begin your wash routine. I have used this option before when we had a stomach virus or something that caused the poop to be very difficult to rinse off and soaking was just a better option.  This option also cuts down on the smell a lot.  The trick with this method is keeping the bucket of water away from little ones.  I kept mine in the tub, but that meant it needed to be relocated during bath time.  I have seen some use a 5 gallon bucket with a screw on lid.

Travel wet bag - These bags come in many sizes to fit anywhere from 1-2 or 6 diapers while you are out.  They are waterproof and usually zip closed to seal in any smell so you don't smell any pee or poop while you're driving or walking around the mall. *It is also a good idea to have 4-5 of these so you have one ready to go while others are washing.*

Diaper safe detergent - This aspect can get overwhelming.  I will touch on washing routines and troubleshooting later on.  For now I will share with you a list commonly used to compare detergents.

Diaper safe rash cream -  Though the rash happens a lot less in cloth than in disposables, it does occur sometimes.  However, you need to make sure that you do not use a cream that will create build up and repelling within your diaper, which is most creams.  Here is a great site for a list of cloth friendly creams.  I simply use coconut oil.  Coconut oil is amazing natural substance that is good. for. EVERYTHING! It doesn't cause build-up and is very healing to the skin, I usually see improvement from a rash within a day of using C.O.  
If you have a favorite cream that you love, but isn't cloth safe, you can just use a disposable liner or homemade liners made from an old teeshirt, just something that provides a barrier between the diaper and the cream.


Nice to haves:
Diaper sprayer - Some might consider this a must have, but I have gotten along for almost a year now just fine without one.  Although I'm now considering getting one. It's simply a sprayer like what is attached in most kitchen sinks, but it is hooked up to your toilet's water system so you can spray any poopy residue on your diaper right into the potty. When I started, Bug's poo was pretty solid and "ploppable" however Peanut's poo has been pretty, um, sticky and making me wish I had a sprayer.  I usually use my bathroom sink since it has high pressure, but I'm pretty tired of constantly washing my sink out.

Clothes line or drying rack -  We will get into it some more when we discuss diaper care, but PUL and elastic wear out faster when dried in the heat of the dryer, so it's better for their lifespan to be air dried.  I have a clothes line and I love using it, and honestly my diapers dry faster on the line than in the dryer.  Lately it's been raining all month, so I haven't really been able to use it and I lost 2 snaps on my diapers due to dryer use.

Cloth wipes - If you want to really be frugal and environmental then use cloth wipes.

This may seem daunting as it adds cost to your upfront cost of cloth diapering, but don't worry, check out my Tips and Tricks for getting started on a budget!

Master's Monday: Sleep in the Bed you Made

So today is Monday, and while most people are bitterly heading back to work complaining that the weekend is over, it's just another day with kids and housework. We did however enjoy a very spontaneous trip to the beach yesterday. It was very good for me, who always stresses over the plans and packing for such trips, and yet the idea to just get up and go was my idea and it felt good. No regrets.  Peanut's first day in the sand and the weather was beach perfect.  With children, we mom's should embrace the randomness and spontaneity of life instead of trying to control it with our perfectionism that ultimately drives you crazy.  I have been trying to buckle down on my stress and up my endorphins to hopefully get this post partum depression under control.
So, now that I've gone off on a tangent, it's Monday.

And on my cleaning list is the Master's, which includes the master bed and bath. Back to my perfectionism thing, this does not mean that I have to clean it spotless every week. Nope, I choose one main task in there to complete, and sometimes that is as simple as cleaning. One week it was organizing my closet.  The next it was Hubby's side of the bed.  One day it will be laundry, but not today. Today I decided to clean the bed.  Our mattress really needs to be replaced due to age, but we can't afford that right now so I decided to give it a good cleaning.  We use mattress cover to reduce the amount of sweat and dead skin that gets down into the actual mattress, but I'm a fool if I think it's not in there at all.
I vacuumed my mattress, which Bug thought was really funny to see Momma up on the bed with the vacuum.  Then I mixed up a batch of 3 little ingredients:
1/2 cup of baking soda (for a king size bed)  - for deodorizing
5 drops of tea tree oil - for disinfecting
10 drops of lavender essential oil - for it's calming and relaxing properties

I mixed it well with a fork to rid of any clumps, sprinkled it onto the bed then spread it around with my hands.  Be sure to wash your hands well with hot soapy water after rubbing in the powder and oils. Tea tree oil has been known to irritate the skin.
I haven't quite decided if I'm going to leave it under my sheets or vacuum it up, it's your choice.  I think I might vacuum it up so the smell isn't so strong when we lie down tonight.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Philippians 4: 6-7

What I'm up to: Bible story Quiet Book

So I have been working so hard on the cloth diaper posts that I haven't had time to post any more projects.  I've also been really busy putting up veggies and jellies. 
And now I'm babysitting my cousin's 7 and 9 year old til mid August... what was I thinking!!! It's not really so bad.  Four kids is what I want right? and they're about the ages I want before I have my youngest 2, so it's pretty realistic to what I want for my future lol. Difference is, they're not mine. I haven't had the practice of bringing them up to that age.  So we're all having to be creative while they're here. 
The first week was a little difficult because I ran out of my anti-depressant and by day 3 I was a mess.  I was ill, but I was trying to clean and hold it together til hubs got back with my medicine.  Well when he got back from Bug's doctor appointment (yes, my toddler decided that the first week I babysit was a great time to get a bad virus) he didn't have my Celexa... I broke down. It all started with me stressing over what to make the kids for lunch.  I stood there holding Peanut, bawling my eyes out. 
But I've got a better handle on my medicine now and am looking forward to trying all the pinterest ideas for older kids that I have found.

I have lots of projects lined up, and I'm looking forward to sharing them with you.  Right now I am working on the cloth diaper posts, but I'm also sewing Bug and Peanut a Bible Quiet Book.  I finished page one "Adam and Eve" last night.  It features a fruit tree with an apple, banana, and orange, and separate fruit to "match" with the fruit on the tree.  There is also different textures of felt, string, and tulle. I'm very please with how it turned out.

I look forward to the next pages of Noah's ark, Moses, Jonah, and many more ideas! Leave me some feedback if there are any quiet book pages you would like to see!

Cloth Diapering 102: What's out there?

**This is a post in the making, I am steadily editing and adding photos**

The easy part is done, you have read the why, now we begin the how.  This is where I started getting overwhelmed and where I will try to break it down into a simpler series and process to ease your transition from paper diapers.

There are several different types of cloth diapers.

1.  Flats -

These are the dinosaurs of cloth diapers.  Made of one layer of cotton, these are folded using a variety of techniques and secured with diaper pins, or this handy new tool, a Snappi.

 
The facts:

• Cheapest
• Easy cleaning and fast drying time
• Whole diaper is absorbent
• Can get a custom fit
• Folding creates gussets that protect against leakage; able to get custom fit
• Folding can be inconvenient and difficult
• Not waterproof
• Needs a cover
• Needs pins or snappi for closure

How to use: Easiest folding technique


Prefolds -

These are very similar to flats.  They are made of cotton, bleached or unbleached, and need to be folded.  However, these are much smaller than flats and easier to fold.
Prefolds are 3 panels of material with layers of 4x6x4 usually. 
The facts:

• not waterproof
• needs cover
• needs pins or snappi as closure
• fairly cheap
• fast drying time
• whole diaper is absorbent
• easy to fold
  folding creates gussets that protect against leakage
• able to get custom fit
• needs to be folded can be an inconvenience
• Price ranges $12-$30 per dozen

How to use:
I will show you 2 of the techniques that I use.  These two are the most common, however I learned a different trick to mine that made folding easier and less bulky for me.
You can also trifold the layers and lay it into your cover as an insert for a simpler solution (this is the only way hubby will use them)

Contours-

I had a few of these, they were made out of some kind of terrycloth material.  These are absorbant material that is shaped like a diaper and usually fastened with pins or a snappi.  Best description is they are a fitted (see next type) without the elastic.  I found I liked the fitteds better as the elastic provided better fit and protection, but that is me. 
 The Facts:

• not waterproof
• needs a cover
• snappi or pin closure
• able to get custom fit
• very absorbant
• good drying time
• easy folding
• Prices range $5-$8

Fitteds-

These are awesome! Shaped just like the familiar disposable diaper with elastic legs and back for a snug fit and great leak protection. They are made just like prefolds, but pre-shaped so no folding required.  Most also have an extra "soaker" layer in the "pee-zone" for extra absorbancy. Some come with snaps to secure them close, others do not have closures that you can use pins or Snappi on to get your fit.
The Facts:

• Not waterproof
• Needs a cover
• No folding 
• Great fit
• Comes with snaps or without
• Thicker, longer drying time
• Price ranges $5-$20

Hybrid Fitteds-

This is what you will find that most work at home moms (WAHM) make. I find them sooo cute, but they are a little on the pricey end, so I don't own one, though I have been eyeballing this one brand for quite some time now. It is a fitted diaper with a polyfleece layer in the middle.  This makes the diaper wear longer, instead of immediately needing to be changed, as the polyfleece reflects moisture back to the absorbent inner.  They are not totally waterproof, and therefor would need a cover to be used a so, but as long as you change properly these can be worn around the house without a cover.  This allows them to be breathable which is great to prevent and rid of rashes.
The Facts:

• not waterproof
• needs a cover
• breathable
• insert either as a sewn in flap or snap in feature for extra soaker
• snap closure
• longer drying time
• Great fit
• custom prints and designs
• lots of options
• Price Ranges: $15-$30

I am about to use this term often below, so here's what it means!
*One size:  These diapers have several rows of snaps.  There are "rise" snaps, which shorten, or lengthen the diaper.  This allows the diaper to "grow" with baby.  There are waist snaps, which allow you to get a good fit around your babies tummy and legs.  They typically fit 8-35 lbs.
*Wick- This refers to a fabric pulling moisture through and off of baby's bum. This is different than absorbing.  These materials are often refered to as "stay-dry" because they do not feel wet to baby, where-as cotton and natural fibers like above do.

Covers -

These are waterproof protection for the above diapers.  They are typically made with one layer of PUL and have velcro or snaps for closures.  They come sized or one sized.  My favorite are Thirsties.
Also with covers, you don't need but 3-4 per child.  I swap out 2 covers usually during the day.  Most of the time you can just wash/wipe out the inside during a change and lay it out to dry while you use another, then swap at the next change.  sometimes poo ends up on the cover and it requires and more thorough cleaning and longer drying time. The top picture is a wool cover, which is a whole different post on its own, but yes, if maintained properly, wool is very water resistant.  I used wool with a fitted for a great night time option because it was so breathable!

Pockets -

The "pocket"

pocket diaper with OS snap settings

These are inserts that are stuffed into pockets.  On the left is a charcoal bamboo insert, which is made of 3 layers of microfleece sandwiched between two layers of charcoal bamboo. I use them the most. Next to it is a Bumgenius microfiber insert.  You can see the snaps on it that allow it to go from newborn size to todder premium size. These are the most absorbant, but irritating to baby bums, therefore have to be in the pocket.

This is probably the most common diaper used. Outer layer is PUL with a wicking inner layer, most commonly microfleece or suede cloth.  Bamboo is also used, however this is a natural fiber and does not wick the moisture and feels wet.  Bamboo is best for babes who are sensitive to synthetic fibers (it happens) These two layers create a pocket in which is stuffed with an absorbent insert of about 3-5 layers.  Most diapers come with microfiber inserts. There are many types of inserts though, we will discuss those later.
The Facts:

• Easy and convenient
• inserts are stuffed and require prepping
• separates for easy cleaning and drying
• fast drying time
• velcro or snap closures
• PUL outer
• many options for inner, usually suedecloth or microfleece but also come in organic cotton and bamboo
• sized or one sized
• Lots of different brands offer different fits and patterns
• Prices range $4-$25

How to use: Stuff insert into pocket and smooth out.  Put on baby like a disposable.  Make sure it is snug.  As a beginner I was scared of getting it too tight and as a result it was too loose.  You want it snug, but not to the point of creating extra rolls or deep red marks.  Some red marks from the elastic may occur, much like when you where sweats all day.
When soiled, take off diaper, remove insert and place both in diaper pail.

I have used all the above types at some point of my journey and have done my best to relay to you what I know about them and my experience with them.  However, the next few I have no experience with, they are the more convenient yet more pricey options out there. Therefore I have asked around and will provide you with a basic description followed by a few quotes from users of these types of cloth diapers.

All-in-ones -

These are pockets without the pocket or stuffing needed.  The insert that you would be stuffing is already sewn in.  Some, refered to as hybrid AIO have the insert sewn in AND a pocket to allow for stuffing extra absorbency.
The Facts:

• Easy and convenient
• no stuffing or prepping neccesary!
• longer drying time
• velcro or snap closures
• waterproof PUL or TPU outer
• many options for inner, usually organic cotton or microfleece
• sized or one sized
• Lots of different brands offer different fits and patterns
• Prices range $15-$25

Experiences:
Amanda Kelley "I prefer aio because of the ease of preparation and ease of disposal. However, the Grovia AI2s and the Bumgenius Freetimes are both a MESS when using a sprayer... The attached inserts flop into the water and make a mess. I also have had problems a few times with the microfiber flap of the Bumgenius Freetime somehow flipping over causing a microfiber burn on his bum"

Sarah Kendrick " trim and awesome to snap in and out" 

All-in-twos:

Like a pocket, but instead of stuffing, the insert snaps into the diaper. Unlike the pockets and AIO, you cannot add inserts for more absorbency and you cannot use different inserts.  The inserts have to be the same brand as the diaper in order for the snaps to work properly and your insert fit right.
 The Facts:

• Easy and convenient
• no stuffing
• fast drying time
• velcro or snap closures
• waterproof PUL or TPU outer
• many options for inner, usually organic cotton or microfleece
• sized or one sized
• some brands are bulkier under clothes than others.
• Lots of different brands offer different fits and patterns
• Prices range $20-$25

 Experiences:
Katherine  Johnson "Ai2s are ssome of my most favorite diapers! Mostly because you can put on a shell that matches baby's outfit or T-shirt and only change the wet or soiled part and reuse the shell. Grovia AI2 are spectacular diapers. They have a TPU inner lined with an organic mesh (cotton, I believe). The inserts are made of organic cotton with waterproof TPU material on the back. This helps keep the fabric dry inside the shell. The inserts also have elastic leg gussets and the shells come in some great colors and prints. The inserts is also similar to the inside of a Bumgenius where the layers are attached at the ends but not in the middle so they can dry quicker. The ones just have are not stayed but they also make a stay dry option. Another thing I love about Grovia AI2 shells is that they are a hybrid system as well. They can be used not only with the snap in insert, but with a flat or a prefold (trifolded and laid inside cover) or a disposable insert, sold by Grovia. This brand offers cuteness, functionality and affordability."

Hybrids:
This is the best of both worlds! Hybrids are a PUL waterproof cover combined with the ability to use either a disposable liner or a cloth liner.  You can even use trifolded prefolds!  Disposable liners are like maxi pads.  When soiled, you just dispose, wipe the PUL clean if necessary, and reuse.
 The Facts:

• easy to use
• disposable liners create throw away convenience with the reusability of the cover.
• fast drying
• PUL outer
• uses inserts
• Price Ranges $15-$25 

Now you know the type of cloth diapers out there, stay tuned for Cloth Diapering 103: What's best for you?

Cloth Diapering 101: Cloth VS Disposable Part 2

Now sure, there are some cons to cloth, but to me they don't out weigh the pros.
You do have to wash them.  You do have to rinse/spray off the poop.  I didn't realize how horrible this con was til Peanut was born, because when I started clothing Bug at 9 months her poo was pretty solid and "ploppable" meaning I could just plop it out into the toilet and flush and not much was left on the diaper.
Then Peanut proved me wrong. A great thing was while he was breast fed, his poop was water soluble, so no rinsing or dunking neccessary, it washes right out in the washer. Then it got sticky with the introduction to formula.  Not fun to try to clean.  But no fear, there are solutions!
Diaper sprayers will be your friend.  For now I just use my utility sink which has a high pressured faucet for rinsing my diapers, but they do make these cool apparatuses that connect to your toilet's water input just like the sprayer on your kitchen sink, so you can spray it right off into the commode.
Liners:  I don't use them 'cause to me it almost defeats the purpose of cloth diapers, but they make disposable liners that (if you're lucky) will catch the poop and be deposited into the trash.   

Now the need to wash means that there will be a "laundry basket" of dirty diapers around for however many days til you decide to wash. Me, I don't like to go longer than 2 days without washing, though I have heard people going 3 or 4 days. Ammonia starts to build up by then.  But there are ways to keep them without your whole house smelling of old pee.

Upfront cost.  We covered this in 101 part 1, but see my Tips and Tricks for starting, growing, and perfecting your stash on a budget. 

Another con is the lack of convenience compared to that of a disposable.  But honestly, I think this society sacrifices too much for a little convenience.  Cloth is better for your babe, it's better for the environment, and it's better for your wallet.  That is what you sacrifice for a little convenience.  Not to mention there are a few types that are just as convenient, but they're reusable!

That's it! I know a lot of people scoff at the idea of using cloth diapers.  It's gross, it's hard, it's prefolds and rubber pants. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. Cloth diapering has come a long way since our grandmothers used them.  And when someone complains that you are washing them in the same washer in which you wash your normal clothes, remind them that with kids and babes, accidents happen and poop and pee ends up on clothes and sheets and who knows what else for many many years, and that washing those things is really no different than washing your diapers.

Cloth Diapers 101: Cloth VS Disposable Part 1

So I have been talking about a cloth diaper post for a long time now.  Problem is, it is a bit overwhelming.  So I have been racking my brain for a way to present it in a less overwhelming way.  I almost backed out of it because my brain just got overloaded.
Best advice? Take it one step at a time, I'm 9 months into it and still building/altering my stash.
So first step to diving into the world of cloth diapers is to look at why people are doing it, and why you should do it too!

Did you know, that it takes disposables over 500 years to fully degrade in a landfill? yuck!
How much money are you throwing away just to sit in a landfill? This was the biggest get'her for me. I used Luvs, $0.16 per diaper. You think, awe that's not bad compared to spending $4 or even $25 on one cloth diaper. But let's look at it on a different level. 
You purchase a pack of let's say, 36 diapers for approximately $7.99 (again I used Luvs, Pampers and Huggies would cost almost twice this).  You change your infant about 10 times a day, you're looking at a pack lasting about 3 days, then you're back to the store, twice a week for the next 2-3 years, spending $7.99.
So let's do the math.  At this rate, 10 diaper per day or 70 diapers per week = 3640 diapers a year = 7280 til potty trained (if you're lucky to do it by age 2). At $0.16 per diaper, that's $1164.80 in diapers! That get thrown away! That's a lot of money! not to mention if you add another year to that and another $600, or if you use a more pricey brand. Wowzer!
Now let's look at cloth diapers. Supposing you go for a good brand (we'll review brands and types in a later post), but the most common diaper is a "pocket" and one of the most common brands is "BumGenius". Their diapers average at $17.95 per diaper.  Now, assuming you would like to wash every other day, you need about 24-36 diapers, we'll say 36 for good measure. That's $646.20.  Of course you can use this calculator to determine a cost based on utility use and detergent, but that really only adds a few cents a month.  And that is it.  A very good stash that will last your babe till toilet training.
Then guess what! You can sell them!!!!! Now you may not make all of your money back on used diapers, but you will get back at least half of what you spent on them, which is more than you can say for a disposable paper diaper!
How about them frugal apples!
Now, don't let the upfront cost scare you, I will share some of my "getting started" and "budgeting" secrets here.

Have you looked at the ingredient list of a pack of diapers?

Now those things are on your baby's precious sensitive skin.
Cloth diapers come in all types of materials, but let's look at the most common, a pocket.  The outer layer is PUL, a waterproof cloth, with plastic snaps.  There is elastic in the legs and along the back and the inner material that touches baby's skin is most likely suedecloth or microfleece. Both of which keep moisture off of baby so they feel dry.  The absorbant middle comes in various materials as well, most companies include multi layer microfiber inserts.  I use a blend of bamboo and microfiber.  There are also hemps, velours, bamboos, cottons, and more blends.

Now here's one of my favorite bonuses to cloth... They're so stinkin' cute! Cloth covered bums are often referred to as "fluffy butt" cause yes, they're bulkier than disposables, giving babes that cute "fluffy" behind.  Not to mention all the different colors and patterns you can get to adorn your precious little ones rear end.
 

Cloth diapering is really very versatile.  There are so many options to fit anyone's needs/wants/expectations of cloth, which is why it can be a bit overwhelming to the senses. Check out Cloth Diapering 102 to see the different choices and Cloth Diapering 103 to find out which is best for you!

You're looking good today!

I'll tell you what, physically I feel like I got hit by a truck. But emotionally, I feel like a million bucks!  That's for no other reason really than the mental pep talk I gave myself while putting the kids to bed.  See, every once in a while, us moms need to stop and compliment ourselves.  Stop bein' so critical and harsh on yourself, and realize that you're basically super mom.

And yes, this just might be a brag blog post tonight, but that's just what I need.  It seems that some days my medicine just isn't enough for my post partum depression.
I heard a radio show last night with Lorraine Pintus as a guest, talking about estrogen and progesterone.  She described women's hormone to be like the ebb and flow of the ocean.  Estrogen (energy) is like the rise in the tide.  Progesterone reigns it in.  When estrogen/energy gets to high, it can turn into anger. That pretty much explains my issue.  .
I started the day pretty well. And with my attempt at potty training Bug.  Peanut has an ear infection and when he got sleepy he got extremely fussy and was screaming in pain. Poor guy.  Reminded me I need to take my medicine though. Then from there I just got sore and frustrated with potty training and then I got a headache.  Gave up potty training.  Too soon I think.  Without realizing it, I spent my energy on quite a bit today, regardless how bad I felt.  so I was ablle to avoid that energy becoming anger. Oh I vegged out on the couch during nap some too, but after rearranging my cabinets to be better organized and spacious, feeding/watering the chickens, picking the garden, and doing some laundry.  Then Peanut sat on the counter with me while I made pickled banana peppers and started canning my green beans.  I just got done, ended up with 24 cans.
If all that wasn't enough to make me feel super mom-ish, Hubby had a blowout on the way home from work and was running late, and for once I actually kept my cool with the kids.  Peanut was happy, but Bug was very whiny.  It was nearing bed time and daddy still wasn't home.  When he did get home, we started the bath for the kids, but he had to use the bathroom.  I managed to get both the kids bathed and out of the bath calmy, even diapered Bug while she brushed her teeth.
So as I fed and rocked Peanut to sleep I got to thinking about my day.  My second batch of green beans was depressurizing and the third batch was ready to be processed.  Sitting there, I felt like super mom, if only for a moment.  I had gotten a lot accomplished and had happy younguns.  No, dinner wasn't cooked, but only because we had plenty of leftovers that needed to be eaten.
I sat there and thought about everything.  I raise children, chickens, cats, dogs, and a lovely garden.  I clean a house, do the occasional handy work, and usually cook dinner.  I love and care for my husband, and occasionally have to keep up with his to-do list as well.
It's a relief to be able to feel good about how my day went as a mom, but on those not so accomplished days, we still need to remember to compliment ourselves.  Even if it's something as simple as you made a good lunch for the kids.  We're moms.  We have a lot of roles.  We are the great multi-taskers that everyone relies on.  There is a lot of pressure to do a lot of things, and do them well.   Congratulate yourself for doing one of the most difficult jobs.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 

Proverbs 31.28 

Cold Cure

I just have to start by saying how much I am enjoying my life out here. I got a clothesline put up and through a weekend full of laundry I only used the dryer twice. 

We picked close to twenty squash and zucchini last night and have been picking peppers all weekend. Get ready for some canning posts. 

I am also really enjoying my chickens that we have and am getting 6-8 eggs a week. 

 

Now living out here in the boonies has its price. My allergies hit me hard this weekend, hard, I felt loopy and like I was drugged up on muscle relaxers or something. And it was turning into a head cold.
Now us mommies just can't afford the time and energy to be sick or to be stuffy and loopy headed. I have had errand after errand it seems and have had to take the kids along with. I'm worn to a frazzle.
So I needed to find a quick solution.
Of course it was Pinterest where I found my answer, using 4 basic kitchen ingredients.
Honey
Apple cider vinegar
Cayenne
Ginger
Now, the blog I got this from stated that the flavor wasn't bad.... Maybe we have different tastes, because I won't lie, it tasted like spicy vomit. I was able to keep it down, after chasing with Gatorade to rid of the taste and put out the fire on my mouth. I swore to Hubs that it better work, with as bad as it was.
I will add that I took another dose today. Within 30 minutes I felt better! It tastes rough, but it works and works quick. Today I chased it with some sweet tea and the flavor didn't linger. So for those few stuffy headed foggy seconds, chug your tablespoon of this firey elixir and chase it with several swallers of something good and prepare to feel better.  It's well worth it.

 

Cold fighting elixir
Dissolve: 2 tablespoons water with 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger, 1/4 teaspoon ground cayenne.
Stir in one tablespoon of honey. Take 1 tablespoon as needed.
I keep mine refrigerated, remember to shake well before each dose.

If your case is severe and getting to your sinuses, but you don't have time to see the doctor for some antibiotics, here's a great natural medicine!
1 minced/graded clove of garlic (raw is necessary)
1 tblsp of honey (raw is best, but not necessary)
I would much rather take this than the elixir, but it really helps! Honey is nature's antibiotic, as well as many other things.  Now, it's spicy.  That much garlic is firey, but I promise it's not as bad as the cayenne recipe.  The honey helps masks the garlic pretty well, so it's just like spicy honey.  I had really bad sinusitis that led to an infection while I was pregnant with Peanut, 2 doses of the garlic knocked it out! It's also an anti-inflammatory, which I desperately needed since you can't really take any OVC like ibuprofen during the 3rd trimester. 

Feel well soon!

And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

James 5:15

Frugal Friday: Cleaning

Boy, I have been Pinteresting it up this week. We'll get to my projects soon.
First things first, it's frugal Friday.  And it's also Floors and Family room cleaning day. 
the
I found a great floor cleaning recipe on Pinterest and I was very happy to watch it work.  I mixed it up in my sink, filled just over half full with warm water, 1/4 cup of vinegar, 1/4 cup of baking soda and a tablespoon of dish soap. I may use less soap next time to cut back on the suds. 
I'll admit that my laminate flooring was pretty dirty.  But in no time I wiped away all those spots with a string mop and this mixture.  Not to mention the baking soda and vinegar is deodorizing and my house was beginning to smell fresh and clean.

I keep the living room pretty clean, so really all it needed was to be vacuumed.  I remembered seeing something for carpet on Pinterest, so I looked and found the most amazing carpet stain remover!
2 cups of hydrogen peroxide + 1/4 cup of baking soda
Spray onto carpet, scrub with sponge if neccessary, and vacuum dry.
I was very skeptical, but I had a peanut butter smoothie stain that had been staring at me for months.  It was time to fight back.  I gave it a few good squirts of my stain fighter and left to tend to some more chores. The kids were sleeping, so I couldn't have vacuumed it up any way.  When I came back, the spot was gone! BAM! vanished! I didn't even scrub! I'm horrible at before and after pictures. I always think about them after the fact, which is only half of it.  So you just need to take my word for it!

Here's the star of today's frugal tip, and it has nothing to do with Friday's cleaning schedule.  Loading the dishwasher is a daily task, however this morning I discovered that I was out of detergent packets! Oh no! Yes I know the cheapest way would be to just wash them by hand, but with a toddler and a newborn, I simply do not have the time for that. So instead, let's make our own! 
found this recipe a while back.  I didn't have any ice cube trays, so for now my mixture is in a small mason jar and I use about a tablespoon.  I'm very pleased with how clean my dishes were! I didn't have full boxes so I broke it down into ratios best I could. Here's what I used.
2 cups of Borax
3/4 cup of washing soda
1/2 cup of epsom salt
1/2 cup of lemon juice
That's it. It's that easy and that cheap!  I haven't done the math myself, but the site says $10.36 for over 300 cubes of detergent, that's about 3 cents per "packet" versus 35 cents for the brand I was using.  Not to mention it smells fabulous!

And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order. 

Luke 11:25

Baby blues? Or more?

I am going to go ahead and give a disclaimer:
Please do not read the following with a closed mind and heart.  Read this with understanding that this is a real problem, a real imbalance, a monster, and do not judge me nor anyone who can relate to me.
I am about to admit things that I am highly ashamed to admit, only for the sake of those who suffer as well.  For those so that they may know that you are not alone, this is an unfortunate and common occurrence, you are not a bad mother, a bad person.
Also, please do not pity me. Pray for me, and others with this, too.  Pity is not the answer.  Strength, love, and support is key.

The National Library of Medicine defines post partum depression as "moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth".

It is so much more than that. It's a deep, dark hole, that you slowly start sinking into.  And the deeper you get, the faster you sink. I'm no expert on it for sure, but I thought I would share with you my struggles with it, so to help you.

Looking back now I see it beginning around 2 weeks post partum.  Peanut was a super fussy baby (not blaming him) and I had a hard time handling it. I gave up breastfeeding at 3 weeks in a desperate attempt to make him happier. It was a small improvement, and I regret giving it up now.  Please, if you are breastfeeding a fussy baby, try to make it through the first month or two, everything changes after that.  Not to mention the -again- sudden change in my hormones sent my chemical balance into a spiral. I cried several nights at night as I told my husband that I wanted our old life back.  That I just wanted it to be us.  I didn't want to be pregnant to begin with, and now I was regretting having my beautiful baby boy, sleeping in his bed at the foot of ours.  My feeling of not wanting my baby made me even more upset.
What kind of mother am I?! That I do not want my own child. 
I became very depressed.  Sad, withdrawn, robotic.  Going through the motions everyday of caring for my teething, demanding toddler and my almost colicky newborn. I was exhausted and fatigued.
At the end of 4 weeks I was depressed enough that I began to notice that it was not normal. I began to think that maybe I had a problem.  I knew about post partum depression.  I also knew that my hormones were a lot crazier with Peanut's pregnancy.  Twice it happened, I would look around my house, quickly becoming overwhelmed by all that needed to be done and consumed with rage.  I would hold it in and sit on the floor crying uncontrollably for 15, 20, even 30 minutes. But "it was just hormones".
Then the weekend came, and Monday, and Tuesday, and I was fine. Maybe it was just the baby blues. I'm over it now. I am okay.
My mom called Wednesday to see how I was doing.  Peanut was screaming again.  Unable to calm him and trying to talk to my mom on the phone, I laid him on the couch beside me.  I became numb to his screams.  Madre could tell something was not right and talked to me about it. 
The day only got worse.  Bug was fussy and whiny and I took my frustration out on her.  I knew she didn't understand.  But the real me was standing behind a glass wall, screaming at this chemically imbalanced me, telling her how irrational she was being. I threw a dining chair, then a toy.
I knew then I had a problem, and I had let it get to far.  I let the sadness and depression consume me into a rage that was sporadic and unlike me.  I scared myself. 
My thoughts of not wanting my son turned into thoughts, horrible urges to hit him, to punish him for screaming at me. Urges to throw him across the room as I tried -unsuccessfully- to rock him and comfort him.
Admitting that I had a problem was a big step. It is so much easier to tell yourself that you're a horrible mother, your a terrible and cruel person to think such things about not just a child, but your own child.  It's easier to convince yourself of that than it is to tell someone else the things that you did, in fear that they will think those things and tell you that you are a horrible person.
 I got online with my mommy support group and talked to them about it.  They were a great help.  Their support calmed me down and I was able to messaged Hubs and tell him I needed help, and not just someone coming over to assist with the kids.  I needed real help with me. Admitting I needed the help was a next big step.
My parents came over and took Bug for the weekend to give Hubs and I a chance to figure out our next move.  We moved Peanut to his own room for a night so I could get a full night of sleep.  He slept better in there, so in there he stayed.  Sleep helped.  Sleep deprivation plays horrible tricks on the brain, especially one that is already imbalanced.
Seeking the help was another step, and a harder step. At first, the nurse sent me a prescription for Celexa.  That was a disappointment.  I wanted to sit down and discuss it first before throwing an antidepressant at it.  So I called back and got an appointment.  My doctor was a little more help.  His wife had it too, and he assured me that it was more common than I realized and that there was help and that I would get better.  We decided to use a birth control pill to balance my hormones and hopefully ease my depression.
Two weeks into my pack, I was seeing improvement.  Peanut was calming down, things were stabilizing. People were helping. 
Then one day it all fell apart again. Bug kept trying to crawl into my lap, walking around whining, wanting something I could not give her at the moment. There Peanut lay on the couch again screaming at me.  I actually raised my hand as though to spank him. I stopped and laid him in his swing.  As he drifted off to sleep finally, I got up to tend to Bug.  I don't remember what cause the tantrum, but she threw one. I took her to her room, where she threw an even bigger one.  I spanked her, which is nothing new (I apologize for those of you who are anti spanking, to each his own) however in my frustration I spanked her harder than I should have, and she didn't have a fluffy cloth diaper on to soften the blow.  It really upset her. And it really upset me.  Her tears and hurt on her face brought me back.  I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.  What did I do?  She just wanted mommy's love, she didn't understand, she didn't deserve this.  I got her calmed down and as she played in her room I sat on the couch.
I felt like running away.  I didn't deserve my family.  My kids needed someone better than this. They deserved better. They needed a mother who would love them better and be kinder and more understanding and have a handle on her life.  Who wouldn't fall apart when they needed her. I wanted to make it all go away.  That was the first and only time I have had suicidal thoughts.  I quickly erased those thoughts and began thinking about running away. 
Where would I go? I then instead began thinking of just taking some time in the woods behind my house.  I would just go.  I sat down and wrote a note to my husband.  Telling him how sorry I was for what I had done and that they needed someone better.  I saw his truck coming down the drive as I packed my peanut butter sandwich and bottle of water in my jacket for my nature walk.  And for some reason, I changed my mind.  I grabbed a book and went and sat in Peanut's closet.  I forgot about the note. Hubs tried to call me, my daddy tried to call me.  I didn't want to talk about it.  I text them both that I was okay.  I overheard Hubs getting Bug ready to take next door. I didn't want to bring them into this so I came out and talked to him about it.  My parents were already on their way.
My dad and I had a long talk.  He was worried about me. After our talk I decided to start the antidepressant. within a few days I was feeling myself again.  I recognized the person in the mirror once more.
Looking back it is hard to imagine those horrible thoughts, urges, and feelings.  Looking at the smiling and giggling faces of my two beautiful children I wonder how I had let it get so far. 
Every so often I forget to take my medicine, and the next day I feel myself slipping back, I become ill and easily frustrated.  I dislike having to rely on a pill to be normal, to be me.  It's still difficult to not think that there is something wrong with me, as a person, not mentally and hormonally.  But my husband, family and friends are very understanding and supportive and it has made a great deal of difference.  I also began going to church again.  I needed to heal my spiritual balance if I ever planned to fix my physical imbalance.  I sought after the Lord and He began healing me. He really has blessed me with a beautiful family and so much love. I have so much to be thankful for.
Exercise releases those endorphins and serotonin that is vital to balances those chemicals.  I felt lots better once I began waking up at 5:30 and going for a 1 mile walk, taking a shower, getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup and eating breakfast.  For starters, I'm not a morning person, so this gave me alone time to wake up before being bombarded with little people needing me.  It also gave me "me" time that I seemed to be so desperately seeking. I was outnumbered and had not time for even personal hygiene.

Please, if you can in any way relate to this, if your baby is 1 month or more older and your sadness and "blues" are increasing and intensifying, seek help.  It's there, and no one is/should judge you for it.  You can't help it.  It's not you.  It's a chemical imbalance in your brain caused by all those flooding hormones.  Somewhere along the line, your roller coaster broke and now it's just an endless spiral.  Recognize that it's not that your roller coaster is faulty, it just needs to be repaired. You just need help. Talk to someone, anyone.  Tell someone those things that haunt you.  I admitted it early, but I wish I had sought help before I did. 
I wish I hadn't had that "suck it up and be a good mom" attitude.  "Be strong, be super mom"  No! Stop trying to do it all. Stop trying to be super mom.  Let the dishes pile up. Let the laundry lay unfolded.  Eat leftovers, take out and frozen meals every night.  Take care of yourself. Take care of your baby(ies).  Being Super mom is overwhelming on an already exhausted system.  Then the disappointment you feel when you fail is even more taxing on your weary emotions.

Get help!

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.

Psalm 42:5

Frugal Friday: Baby Water

For all of you formula feeding mommas, stop spending money on gallons and gallons of baby water! I just recently started doing this.
Boil a big pot of water and let it cool. Poor up into an old clean gallon jug. Boiling the water purified it, so now you can use water from the tap and don't need to freak out when you poor up the last few ounces to discover it was your last jug. 

A Thing of Beauty

Yes, I changed the look of my blog, what do you think? I think it's sweet and fresh.  Today I dove right into a pin that I pinned this morning.  It was super easy and a beautiful makeup brush roll.  I love this material that my mom had lying around her house and didn't want.  I used this tutorial from Irene Design.  It is real simple and she breaks it down step by step  to eliminate all the guesswork for even the beggining seamstress.  By far the best tutorial for anything that I've come across. 

I made some alterations to mine.  I laid out all of my brushes that I have and measured out how long my roll would have to be to accommodate them all, so I made it 18" instead of 13" (would be 17" after the seam allowances) and added a few more pockets to fit the brushes. I used 3", 2, 1.5,1.5,1,2,1,1,1,2,1.  I did end up with some extra room, but that is fine, because I intend on getting a few more brushes.  I also read the comments and decided to go with the rounded flap corners.  

I started my makeup career about a year ago.  Back in my pageant years -Let's face it, there was only one year- I had to learn to do my own makeup for a regional pageant I was in.  About 2 years after that I kind of fell into doing makeup for others. 

Hubs cousin was my first subject.  Meme -mother.in.law- and I were playing dress up with her, Meme did her hair, and I did her makeup. Then we had a little photo shoot in the living room for fun.  Her mom really loved how I did her makeup as compared to the salons she had been taking her too. And I know what she meant.  I was in our school pageant a few times, and I finally quit going to salons for my makeup because they always used so much and I felt like I looked like a clown.  Especially on someone so young, dark overdone smokey eyes and super highlighting just isn't necessary.  So she recruited me to do her makeup for their pageants since. 

Then word got to Beauty Queen's hair dresser, one of Hubs's second cousins, and she hired me to do all of her makeup appointments since she didn't really like doing makeup.  And that's how it begun. 

I've just recently decided to start doing it at full force, trying to get my name out there and get some more clients.  I have a handful of regulars. I love doing their makeup.  They're young girls, about 10 and 11 and their complexion is beautiful, a smooth, perfect canvas.  

Here she is, the night she won a crown in her local pageant last year.

 Now today, you have a bonus Pinterest project.  Now that I'm doing makeup for others and have these new brushes I got for Christmas and was finally able to use this past weekend, I have to clean/dry them.  I didn't want to have to go for a special cleaner, and I knew I had something on Pinterest from ages ago.  

I clean my case brushes after every client session, I clean my personal brushes about once a week.  

Now no one has to worry about having someone else's face on theirs when I do their makeup, haha.

Cleaning my brushes with 1 cup of warm water and 1 tablespoon of baby shampoo, cold rinse, then a  20 minute soak in 1 cup of warm water and 1/2 cup of vinegar. Cold rinse, pat dry, and lay out on a towel where they're leaning down at an angle to finish air drying.

Be sure to dry your brushes angled downward.  If you dry them brush head up, the water settles and starts to deteriorate the glue that holds the bristles onto the head.  And we all know how annoying it is to have those little hairs come out on your face!

 

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27

K.I.S.

Today was such a lovely day. So in addition to getting my hair cut, I decided to work on the yard and my tan.  
Here's our lovely sweet potato mounds that we planted! I love working in our garden.  Everything is growing so fast, we'll have produce before long.  I have a feeling that Peanut will be much like Bug, and end up eating a LOT of pureed squash and mashed peas. 

Today, instead of conquering a pinterest idea, I made up my own.  As simple as it is, I decided it would be nice to share the idea.  After all, Pinterest is the world of "that's so simple, why didn't I think of that".
I had to plant a few basil plants and a citronella in some pots, with very little potting soil.  But that's ok. I had a simple solution to it that I will use from now on to make my bag of potting mix last longer. 

I mixed it with topsoil tilled up in our garden.  That's it. About a 1:1 ratio, so it makes the bag last twice as far! 
See simple! That's what I did today. Kept it simple.
As Daddy says, K.I.S. ~keep it simple~

This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalms 118:24

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine!

You make bath time, lots of fun. 
Ever since she was little bitty, Bug has loved rubber ducks. Of course it helped that at the time her infant tub was an inflatable rubber duck tub from Garanimals and we got lots of lil duckies for baby shower gifts. 
So when it came time that I decided something needed to be done with our guest/kids bathroom, I knew just where to go. It was so bland, and I'm horrible at "before/after" pictures, so I just have after shots, but there wasn't much to show. It had a mirror, sink, toilet, shower with a clear curtain, and white walls. No shelf, no towel bar... nothing. very very bland. 
I didn't want something super baby, or something super childish that my guests wouldn't enjoy it. You may disagree, but I think everyone loves rubber duckies! 
In a previous blog I stated that sublty when using a theme is key to decor, and it stands true for my bathroom.  
So my first step was of course paint. What color should the walls be? I'm not a big fan of yellow, not to mention that wouldn't be very subtle if both the walls and the duck decor were yellow. So I went with a peaceful pretty light blue that paired very nicely with the duck yellow.  
Next I had to find a shower curtain. It is the main piece of the puzzle. I found 2 that I just couldn't make up my mind between so I let Hubs decide.  Now looking at it I wish I had gotten the other one. It was cloth and had both ducks and little blue umbrellas on it. 

Which gave me my inspiration to make the bathroom cute but not too cute and still contemporary and guest friendly.  
 
An upside down umbrella with multi colored bubbles escaping. It turned out as a beautiful accent wall in my bathroom. 
The main part of the bathroom was now complete. 

Next there were just bits and pieces to accentuate the theme and decor.  I already had lots of rubber duckies to use.  I purchased the shelf and towel bar from Lowe's and installed them myself, it's super easy, and I love the glass shelf.  It doesn't look obvious or appear to take up a lot of space. 

My favorite piece of decor however was the canvases. Given it took me several several months before I finally completed them, today. But I'm so proud of how they turned out and they complete my bathroom! 
It truly transformed the bathroom into a fun cute bath space for my kids.  Bug loves running in here for bath time or to brush her teeth.  The blue walls contrasted with the white furnishings, making the room appear bigger.  And it still guest friendly, in my opinion. 

Now, I know what you're thinking. "What about a Pinterest project?"  I won't leave you disappointed.  This was the second project I did, and it really only took about 5 minutes to complete.  Bug now voluntarily runs into the bathroom each morning after breakfast to brush her teeth and wash her hands. 
It's so easy. All you need is an empty baby soap/lotion bottle.  In this case I used the Johnson's & Johnson's lavender Bathtime wash bottle that I had been letting Bug play with in the tub.  
First, just cut the top off right where the bottle starts to curve.  Then cut around the label on one side.
The last part is tricky and took a bit of time for me to cut.  Of course if you used a drill bit made to cut circles out of plastic, it would make this task much easier.  I slaughtered the base of mine, but it easily yet snugly fits over the faucet and is simple to remove when I need to use the sink without it. 
And voila! An extension on your faucet so your toddler or preschooler can reach the water! 

 I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake.

1 John 2:12

Back in the saddle

I'm sorry if I let y'all down with my absence since November. My last trimester of pregnancy really took its toll through the holidays. I am going to go back and make a few posts for specific dates, such as my birth story of Peanut, or my battle with post partum depression, dealing with a demanding high spirited toddler, dealing with a sensitive and difficult newborn.
I am glad to say that I'm back! And boy do I have some fun for y'all.
I'm still battling through post partum depression, but it is much better and I'm feeling more like myself and am able to focus and get things done. I have so much to discuss with y'all, but I'm gonna try to take it one post at a time.
Today I'll start small. I will link to different posts of my journey as a new mom of two, for those who can relate or need someone to relate to your own situation. To come I will share with you my pinterest journey I have begun. I will make no promises as to how often I will post a new project, but I'm so tired of pinning all these great things and saving up supplies for them and then just accumulating clutter of useless things. So I am putting my collection to the uses I kept them for. I know I'm not the only pin-crastinator, so I hope I can inspire you to get up and spend the few mins it takes to do some of these projects.  First things first, follow my pins for access to all my projects!

The first pin I will share with you is none other than the cleaning schedule that I use to actually have a clean home, clean and fed kids, and time to tackle these projects.  I got this from ClassyClutter.

See, that's not so bad. I spent some time as a "flybaby" and took some of the principles with me, that I add to this.
Laundry: a load a day keeps the chaos away.
*shine your sink!  I will give testimony to this. Visit Flylady and read her reason why a shiny sink is the start to a happy, clean, clutter free home. The weight of my home seems lifted from me when I shine my sink, which I don't do as well as I should.
*get dressed! Get up (before everyone else if you need to) and put on real clothes fix your hair, go ahead and do your makeup if you're going somewhere later (or you may not have time to then) and then lace up your shoes! I will testify to this as well. I wake up around 5 or 530, feed Peanut, then I go for a morning mile walk, get back and put my toddler (who is usually awake by then) in bed with her daddy and I hop in the shower. I don't leave the bathroom til I'm dressed and my hair and makeup are done. I feel great and ready to start my day.

And if you have a toddler who is starting to copy you and become interested in the things you are doing like Bug is, let her help with small tasks. Bug helps me pick up toys and throw away trash, "fold laundry" and sweep. Most of the time she's not really doing anything conducive to the task at hand, but by letting her push the broom and take the clothes out of the basket to stack on the table she starts learning how to help, feels like she's a part of something mommy is doing, and it also keeps her occupied and out of trouble and keeps her interested in helping in the future whereas I might discourage her if I scold her for messing up mommy's folded laundry or swept dirt pile.  Forget the neatness of it all and help encourage your child's love of learning and helping and it will pay off when they are coordinated enough to actually accomplish these tasks. It's all a process.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13

Picking Peanuts - a birth story

I have been having false labor for the last 2 or 3 weeks it seems like. I was just about ready to give up, I'll be pregnant forever. Castor oil didn't work, mango didn't work, just more false labor. I've just decided that if there's no bloody show or broken water, I ain't in labor...
It was a stormy Sunday night. We had debated on staying with my parents if the weather was gonna be bad, but we thought it was going to go north of us, so we stayed home. Boy were we wrong. It had started raining by the time we went to bed around 10 pm, the castor oil I had taken not even making me go to the bathroom (this was my second shot at the castor oil). We joked about Peanut deciding to come out during Carrie Underwood's or Miranda Lambert's performances on the CMA's that night, but nothing happened. So to bed we went.

I woke up with my back hurting... nothing new really.  So I went to the bathroom, no bloody show. Discouraged, I sigh and head back to bed, noticing that it's 12:16 am, and still flooding outside. But I couldn't get comfortable. Laying down seemed to make my back even more uncomfortable, so curious I got up and grabbed my phone to Google the chances that I might be in labor without a bloody show and of course check Facebook. I went and sat in Peanut's room for about 15 or 20 minutes, til finally I was able to determine that the back pain strengthened and weakened, like contractions.  I went and sat in bed next to Hubs, trying to wake him. Unsuccessfully, I might add.  He sleeps like a rock! Finally I just grabbed his arm and squeezed through a contraction.
"hmmm... Do we need to go, babe?" He asked me.
"I don't know, but we should probably get ready to." I was so nervous about it being another false alarm.
So we get up and begin preparing stuff to go to my parents house. That had been the plan all along, take Bug to my parents and labor there for as long as I could before heading to the hospital.  Even the nurses told me to labor at home or somewhere comfortable, that it would raise my chances at a successful Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.  I call my mom to let her know.  I was having to hold back tears as I spoke to her, I told her that we would head over there soon, but maybe not just yet.  She had been looking at the radar and said there was some bad weather about to get to us and it was probably best to go on ahead to their house. So we loaded up the car with the hospital bag, Bug's snack bag.
The rain was really coming down hard. I was crying by this point. We left the house around 1 am. Sitting in the car made the pain less bearable. I wanted to be up and walking, it alleviated the back labor.  But instead, here I was sitting in my car for a 20 minute drive in the rain to the hospital.
That can't be right... by that clock my contractions are abut 1 1/2 minutes apart! We pull off our dirt road and onto the highway and I clutch my seat and scream through a contraction.
"Do we need to just go to the hospital?" Hubs wonders.
"I don't know!"
"We're going now. Call your mom."

Good thing, too. We get about 5 minutes from the hospital when my water breaks. I call my mom again, making sure she's on her way. No, she's not, there's a tornado in her area. I hear the sirens. You've got to be kidding me. I don't have much time to worry about that though before another contraction has me screaming for Hubs to hurry.  "The road is too long." "It's too far away" "I remember why I got an epidural last time!"
Hubs assured me we would make it and I could get an epidural when we got there. We both knew deep down that I was too far into labor for one though. But somehow, that was what I needed to hear to ease my mind.
I kept reminding myself not to tense. Just relax and breathe. The pain was bearable when I wasn't tensing against it.  I loosened my grip on the seat as we neared the hospital.
We pull up and still no sign of my parents.  Bug is going to have to go in with us.  I know I should wait for Hubs to get her out of the car, but I run into the emergency room and straight to the elevator that leads to L&D, which is locked of course, its 1:20 am.  The lady at the desk tells me I need to register down here. "I have to get up there as quick as I can" I lean over a chair as I bear the waves of pain and Hubs quickly gives them my information.  They want us to wait for a nurse to bring a wheelchair. No chair, let me walk, it's better that way.
I go practically running through an empty, calm L&D unit.  The nurses are waiting for me, surprised that I'm walking.  I go to change clothes, there is blood. Ugh, I feel like I gotta poop... probably shouldn't try that though. So I go into the examination room and they make me lay back on that uncomfortable bed. laying makes the pain worse.  Bug is just sitting in the chair where Hubs left her, a security guard got mad at him and told him to move the car. Where was my mom.
The nurse checked me. "There's a head" She says, and calls the doctor, who was not even there. It's about 1:30 am now and I'm having to pant through contractions now.  The nurses keep trying to put in an i.v. Failed twice due to me tensing my hands with the contractions.
They quickly roll me to our permanent room, telling me not to push, breath, breath.  Refraining from pushing was getting difficult.  We get to our room, Bug doesn't want to stay on the couch.  I'm getting worried, where are my parents. Hubs can't be beside me because he is way over there holding Bug, my beautiful baby bug, who is about to be a big sister. There's a midwife there, so I let my body push, without actually forcefully pushing.  They don't have my chart yet. I mention my previous cesarean.  They all freak out.  I assure them that my regular doctor and I had discussed a VBAC.  They seem aggravated that in the midst of my rapidly progressing labor, I failed to mention that.  Why hadn't they pulled my chart!!
Doc finally gets in there, and takes his time getting ready, ugh. I was so ready to push that baby out, and for them to stop telling me not to push.  Just as he's getting ready, my mom walks in. Whew, Hubs quickly joins me just when I need him most. It's about 1:45 am when I start to push.  It was a lot easier to push than when I had Bug and an epidural.  This was how I wanted it. drug free. Natural. Letting my body do what it was made to do. What it needed to do.
What if it can't? What if he gets stuck like Bug did. Both Hubs and Doc assure me he's not stuck and that I'm doing great.  I just want it to be over with. I push and I push, for what seems like forever. I don't want to do this anymore.  Hubs is so supportive.  I'm doing great, we're almost there. I can do it. Then it stops. We wait. The nurses check the monitor for any sign of a contraction. I have a moment of rest. I just lay there, take the moment to talk to Hubs and the Doc, reassure myself. I feel the contraction building as Doc says this should be the last push.  What a headful of hair.
I push and I push hard! they're all cheering me on, so close. I stop for a breath, but don't relax, go right back into pushing again.
That feeling, the burning and pressure that builds up the more you push, I won't sugar coat it, It's not fun. You want more than anything for it to end.  Then it does. And that wonderful feeling of release as your baby springs forth from your super body, that is the most magical feeling I have ever experienced.  I look down and there he is, loads of hair, pink, and tiny, and perfect.  They place him on my chest and I just look at him.  He's so different from Bug, but still so precious. And I have him now.  I waited so long and now I finally have him.

Peanut was born at 2:10 am, February 11, 2013, in the middle of a severe thunderstorm and tornadoes.

That afternoon we learned that everything was flooded, and roads were washed away. And it was still raining!

Bug is the best big sister. She was so easy and gentle around him and was talking to him and calling him Bubba. I was brought to tears over the love and joy she displayed for her baby brother.

God was amazing through all of this. He gave us just what we needed, when we needed it, how we needed it.  I chose to pursue a VBAC because the risks of it were dangerous, yes, but less likely than those of a repeat cesarean.  I also wanted to experience what I was told was an empowering experience.  I believed that with Bug, my body was forced into labor way before it could prepare for it by induction at 37 weeks.  I progressed, sure, but I pushed for so long and she was face up, she wouldn't fit through my pelvis. I also had an epidural, and felt it interfered with my ability to push.  I had felt the pain of my hips spreading in preparation for Peanut, and knew my body could do what it needed to when it was ready.

I hope my story is inspiring for someone who is on the fence about a VBAC.  It was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made.  I was blessed with a 2 hour labor and a successful birth.
And my baby boy is so precious, and I'm glad I have an awesome story to tell of his birth.

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
1 Peter 2:2